“The classic male Wharton MBA is negotiating with me on a constant basis,” she said. As for women: “Half of them will never negotiate with me about anything, and the other half either gets super, super intense, or apologetic: ‘Oh, I feel so terrible doing this; I hate to negotiate.’” Because the women don’t negotiate very often, she noted, it becomes “a big deal” as opposed to the men, for whom it feels “normal” because they do it so often.
Day stated that women should push themselves to negotiate regularly and to get comfortable with a bigger ask, such as “20 per cent more than you expect in compensation, or a promotion six to 12 months earlier.” Sometimes, the answer will be yes, sometimes no, she said, but the idea is to keep asking and not take it personally. A side benefit of this activity is that it signals to your manager that you’re “ambitious, hungry and ready to take on more.”
Fatimah Gilliam, founder and CEO of The Azara Group, a leadership development and strategy consulting business cited research showing that when women negotiate on behalf of someone else, they sometimes outperform men, whereas when negotiating for themselves, they don’t perform as well. She offered a mental trick for female negotiators: “Change your perspective … think beyond yourself. You’re negotiating for your family. You’re negotiating, if it’s compensation, so that you can have more money to take care of your parents when they’re old, right?” Realizing that it’s not “just about you,” she said, might make you a better advocate for yourself.
Gilliam also pointed out that young women can quickly fall behind if they don’t ask for greater compensation early on. The data shows that even a small, incremental difference in salary such as 5,000 dollars can translate into a loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a woman’s career. If you don’t ask, you don’t get, she pointed out.